All is quiet here around the house, not a sound is heard not even a mouse… Finally after having once of those bad mama parenting days the house is quiet. Tuesday’s are all day and night school days for my husband here in seminary making my night of putting two kids to sleeping by myself extremely difficult.
Milk is all my son wanted tonight but we didn’t have any and all I wanted was a beer. Thankfully we both got what we wanted from a generous friend by the end of the night. Now two hours later the house is quiet while both boys are asleep. This rarely happens in parenting it feels like.
So cheers to all you parents out there dealing with bedtime routines, bedtime battles and all that jazz. Good night.
Today I woke up at 4:30 am to one of my cats throwing up, had to get up to clean it up before my husband got up to go to work at 5 am just to be a good wife and not have him step on cat throw up in the morning. As I walk into the bathroom for some spray the other cat decided to use the litter box leaving the wonderful smell of his cat presence everywhere. After completing my favorite 4:30 am clean up (insert sarcasm face here) of course I was too wired up to sleep so I finally fall asleep for an hour before my son wakes up for the day.
The whole day this 10 month old boy has been nothing but teething pains and complains driving me over the edge a few times making me wonder where all this joy is that people speak of when it comes to parenting. Fast forward hours, many meltdowns and a beer later, finally its bedtime for the little one and all I can say is, this day is finally over! Yes this was the day that God had made. I did not rejoice or was glad in it. But tomorrow is another day as they say, full of new experiences, joys and surprises, hopefully they don’t start at 4:30 am.
Life as a parent can get a bit rough. The majority of the time it seems like parents always try to fool themselves into thinking that everything is fine by replying to everyone’s questions with a well prepared response of “oh parenting is such a joy.” Recently my husband took my son to a family that we love and look up to for a good old fashioned BBQ during this hot and sticky summer. My son got to see new things, watch kids play around and eat some dirt. “I hate is when parents say that everything is ok and they love it,” says a mother of four “ yes, they may love it but lets just face it its not ok until you survive parenthood.”
The sleepless nights, the constant change, the noise, the crying, and the diaper bag packing as if you are going on a vacation. Let’s not fail to mention my famous black cat named Trouble that seems to wake up my son every time he is asleep with his echoing howls in the hallways. Parenthood. We have arrived. Ladies and gentlemen you will not be getting off until your children are out of your house or stable on their own sometime in the future. Meanwhile you will just be getting older and more and more tiered by the day.
The way I see it… a great sacrifice. True martyrdom to self and living for someone else. All the while trying to stay calm, maintain peace, not get angry and find time to pray. “This is probably the hardest thing that I have ever done in life,” my husband states. That realization has never hit me until I became a mother.
“When your children are still small, you have to help them understand what is good. That is the deepest meaning of life.”
+ Elder Paisios
“Aww 8 months old, I bet you are getting sleep finally,” says the clerk at Petco. If only he knew that last night my son woke up after I have been asleep for 30 minutes and would not go back to sleep. What do people say about not judging a book by it’s cover again? Despite the sleep deprivation I have finally come to a point where the battle for my own pride is not worth fighting for anymore. That life is unpredictable and I need to let go of my own will. And the battle for good seems a bit more easier to fight.
Recently my household has been turned upside down. I started working part time, my son got sick and also finally got his first tooth break through. Hoorayy for teeth. If you are a parent then you know the agony of teething infants. It also does not help that we were told by the pediatrician that he would be an early teether. Parenting has its surprises for sure. The way I see it… Its a great way to get to know yourself as a person, to try to empty out the junk that is in our drawers and somewhat organize ourselves.
I never thought in my life that being a parent is this chaotic. My son is now almost 8 months old and who knew that this little person would have to much energy. “You ever wonder if we will ever be used to it?” asks my sleep deprived husband. I am not sure if it ever gets better or if you just become more immune to the chaos that seems to build up as my son becomes more and more mobile and the energy level just keeps escalating. I find myself constantly comparing myself with other moms. “How is you kid sleeping? How are you doing things? Do you have a schedule?” I am not sure of anything anymore.
What I am thankful for is the great support that our own little church community provides with lots of moms willing to talk about their experiences and lots of ideas of how to channel kids energy into good little projects. I am working on the jealous factor that comes in from myself towards other moms that do seem to have everything together. The moms that have their kids sleeping through the night and just never seem sleep deprived and tell me that its all just so wonderful. Yes I am working on organizing the chaos within my heart.
As I get my fingers dirty in this world of motherhood, I start rethinking about what my priorities are. It seems like when I was single, life was so fast and nothing that I wanted to do could be stopped. Now everything that I wanted to do has stopped and focused on a little tiny person that has changed my life completely. I do not mind this change of heart. It makes me realize that all my plans that were made previous were not as important as this commitment called motherhood. Even if I do work on 4 hours of sleep and have a meltdown when I realize there is no more coffee in the house. I have not been thankful lately. I have been taking for granted everything that has been given to me. Thank God for His endless mercy. Without it I would have perished a long time ago.
A very good friend of ours is having twins and asked my husband and I to be Godparents to one of their boys. Well what an honer… except that I do not know the first thing about organizing any kind of baby shower event. Thankfully the Godmother that she had chosen for her other boy is very aware of what needs to be done for such an even. She put me in charge of a few items such as games and thank you baggies. I started having a total meltdown when I realized that I have never accomplished putting together such items in my life. How am I ever going to be a good mother that organizes lunch boxes for her kids is what came into my mind. Hence the meltdown.
I am not what you would call a girly girl. It is thanks to God and His mercy I have a son as a first child since I would not know what to do at all with trying to be girly. I jumped out of airplanes for fun (parachute included) dived the deep seas over 100 ft down (almost died a few times, my cat lives are running out) and jumped off a bridge (bungee cord included). Yes organizing an even and games is not in my nature.
With Google being my best friend in times of crisis, tomorrow is the day of the big bay shower event. “Mom is having to get out of her comfort zone” says my husband to my 6 month old boy that is staring blankly at me as I put together thank you gifts. Yes that statement says it all.
Yes everyone it is that time again. After being on a work hiatus due to my first child being born, it is time for this mom to start looking for a job again. Yes I do dread going back to work since it has been very nice to be able to stay at home and take care of this little guy. However, we live in California where the rent is high and the salaries are low. How are moms able to stay at home and just be moms? One of many questions that wanders in my head as I try to schedule interviews and find care for my son with a trusted family member at the same time. I try not to have too many questions crowd my head nowadays since they do have the tendency to drive me mad with worry.
One day I do hope to stay at home and just be a mom. Yes that will also bring on a new set of sacrifices that will come my way. For me there is no better job than to stay at home and raise children, cook some lunch and dinner and snacks for the family, plan activities, be part of the PTA maybe? Who knows… maybe one day God willing.
Yes we are packing our little bags grabbing our little 6 month old boy and going on a long overdue vacation. We are going to the monastery to visit the monks and nuns of Platina at St. Hermans then going to good ol San Francisco. Vacation with a little bundle of energy should be a new and exciting experience :o)